Regrets
by spottedhorse
Summary: The little talk that we didn't see at the end of Hog Heaven.


So, I'm watching Hog Heaven trying to get into the Brass Mood...Trying to get back to work on my Brass story that I've been putting together. But as I'm watching the episode, this just keeps nagging at me...nag, nag, nag. So instead of more research and writing on the other story, you get this, lol. Hope it touches you in some way. It's not really a happy one, so I won't say enjoy...

This is the "little talk" that I envisioned...

* * *

Jim Brass watched as Catherine poured the drinks into the glasses. He smiled but it was s sad one. Oh, he was glad to have a friend right now, but regrets had filled him the last couple of days. A Vice cop had been killed and he knew the wife… a little too well. And in the end, she was responsible for her husband's death, along with the other undercover cop on the case, Tanya. It had hurt, watching her being taken away in cuffs. But more than that, the case had dredged up old memories for Jim, memories he really didn't want to revisit.

Regrets…yeah, he thought as he took a sip of the warm liquid and let it burn down his throat. What's the old phrase…there but by the grace of God? He took another short swallow and looked across at the strawberry blond who looked at him with concern. She was being uncharacteristically quiet as she watched him over her glass. He appreciated that. This was something he didn't want to rush.

Finally, he settled back in his chair, let out a sigh, and grunted. "It could've been me, you know…in a different time."

"You? Oh you mean Jack Nettles?"

"Yeah. I worked Vice back in Jersey, you know…for years. I was still married back then…"

"And Rita reminded you of your wife…" Catherine said knowingly.

"In a way…I met her at a party and, well…we went out a few times. But some things she said, I realized she was married and I bowed out… not too gracefully, either." He shrugged. "I didn't handle it well at all. It's just, after everything that Nancy did to me, I don't…well, other men's wives are hands off, no matter what the status of the marriage is."

"Sound policy," Catherine said pensively. "Fewer people get hurt…"

"Yeah, you'd think… Anyway," he sighed, "when I realized Joey Niagara was her husband… well, it hit hard. I mean, besides Ecklie standing there wondering what my relationship another cop's wife was…that was just awkward…"

"I can imagine," Catherine said sympathetically.

"Yeah," Jim grunted. "But more than that… I mean, the guy was gone for weeks at a time and…not taking care of his wife and… well, just being a sorry assed husband in general. It was me twenty five years ago, except I didn't get so far into it that I was using … or stealing from Nancy and slapping her around. But I did treat her pretty shitty at times…"

"What little you've said over the years, I'd say she gave as good as she got."

Jim shrugged. "Maybe. But when Rita was telling me about…about how she saw Tonya's name tattooed on him…" he tilted his neck and then rubbed the back of it with his hand. "She said, 'how could he ever be my husband again after having another woman's name burned into his skin?"

"That would be tough to take," Catherine agreed.

"Thing is, I mean, I didn't get any tattoos or anything, but there was an affair…"

"Before or after she stepped out on you?"

"Um…after. But I didn't know that until later. At the time I thought she was still at home at night, still a faithful wife. I dunno, we were working a case together and things just…happened," he said mournfully.

"And the thing with Tonya reminded you of that…of your affair?"

"Yeah. And Rita going out with me; it could've been Nancy. I guess I'm lucky."

"Lucky?" Catherine asked incredulously.

"Nancy didn't get me killed," he answered matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "We're lucky she didn't go to those lengths."

Jim poured another round and they sat in relative silence for a few more minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Catherine set her glass on his desk "I need to get going…" she said, almost apologetically.

"Yeah, yeah," Jim said quickly. "No, it's okay, really…I appreciate you coming by…all this," he said as his hand swept across the desk, over the bottle and glasses. "And for listening…"

She edged around his desk and hugged him warmly, giving him a pat on the back as a way of closing the moment. "You're a good man, Jim. Don't let this case get too you too much."

"Yeah…okay. Um, thanks…" he said bashfully as she left.

Sitting back down at his desk, he swiped his hand along his hairline and sighed. Then glancing at his watch, he made a decision. Pulling out his cell, he made a call.

"Yeah Nancy, it's Jim. Um, you have a couple of minutes? There's uh, something I'd like to say… to tell you." He listened and rolled his eyes. "No, it's not like that…I um, just… well" he took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry…"


End file.
